Just Watch.

European Pervert Cinema: That Obscure Object of Desire, or Let's Get Bunuel With It!

Basically, the short version of the story is, if you think you want to watch Abre Los Ojos,  watch this instead. It's better, on at least five different levels. Let's count 'em, shall we?

Sexy Level #1:Intelligent Take on Maddona-Whore Dichotomy

We have two women, but in this case it is two actors (Carol Bouquet and Angela Molina) playing the same woman. The wonderful thing is that this is no predictable Madonna/Whore dichotomy. The two actresses are decidedly different; Bouquet has a frosty hauteur, while Molina is characterized by a humorous earthiness. But they're not polar opposites either (for one thing, they're both brunettes). As the film goes on, they change places in more unexpected and intriguing ways. 

Sexy Level #2: Fernando Rey

Rey made his bread and butter playing Bunuel's Elder Statesman of Pervistan, and he really brings it home here. He's the aging body disintegrating under the force of raging lust -- by the end he's just a papery zombie. The only thing he's capable of is a desperate rage. It's tragic and more than a bit terrifying.

Notes on the Three Hour Movie

So about the time they were calling Ohio and I was, in a moment of irrational exuberance, having my hair cut, I received an unusual challenge.

"If Obama wins," my friend said to me, "you have to write about Children of Paradise."

Now said friend was very smart because Children of Paradise echoes the realization of an Obama presidency in two important ways:

1.) It's a movie all about believing in making the impossibly beautiful and sublime a reality.

2.) it's definitely up there in my tippy-top favorite movies, but I have a hard time telling people why it's great. I just tend to get teary and say, "I can't. It's just too awesome to describe."

But that's pretty much the situation we find ourselves in right now, yes?

So I'm honoring the bargain, but it's taking a while, because this movie is very emotional and you have to psych yourself up for it, and also , it's really damn long.

In the interim, some thoughts on movies that are allowed to be three hours long.

People often say that great movies don't feel long even if they are. This might fly for something thats 2 to 2 1/2 hours long, but after that it's just bullshit. No way are you going to be sitting still for 3 hours and not notice, even if you've got exploding polar bears and massive zombie orgies to look at.

What makes a 3 hour movie great enough to be 3 hours long, is that it's so engrossing -- visually, plot-wise -- that you don't care that it' s long. Its length becomes a treat, almost: you settle into it like an epic, thrilling novel.

For my personal money, there are three movies that come close to the 180 minute mark that meet the criteria. They are Lawrence of Arabia, The Life and Death of Colonel Blimp, and Children of Paradise.

Strap in kids, this is gonna be a long one.

What to Watch While You Wait

1. Prime Suspect

Also known as AJ's magical college paper elixir. Best to steer clear of the later series: 3 is just deeply sad, 4's pretty ridiculous, after that it just gets into an elegiac "rage against the dying of the light" thing that's not right for today. But 1 and 2 are all about beating the racist, sexist odds, kicking ass and taking names. And what better of soldier of righteousness than the foxy, tough-as-nails Helen Mirren?

2. Elizabeth

Politics as the cult of personality. Wiggery, hattery, and the bold pronouncement rule the day. It's another against-all-odds political tale, but modern-day pundits would do well to note what a little bit of well-executed dramatical flair can do.

3. I, Claudius

Politics as political manipulation at its sexiest. If you don't know how to work that factor, you have no business being in office.

4. Kill Bill, vol. 1

When in doubt, unleash your samurai sword on a motherfucker.

Fine, douchebags you're totally right. We should all just watch Mr. Smith Goes to Washington a million times. Cause that's the battle we're fighting.

No, no way. And hopefully I'll tell you about it tomorrow.